alright,, so i hav actually been writing,, i do actually hav stuff to post

BUT

i rly jus cannot be fucked,, along with the new chap nd stuff,, i've also gone back
yes more back tracking,, im famous for it

SO

i am officially removing my novel from LJ
if you wanna read it,, you can wait till it's done and borrow my master or something
(its now 204 pgs nd still goin up,, so i rly dnt wanna be printing it more than once yo)

YAY

o nd also.... i hav finally made myself put in the time of forming a solid plan for my novel series nd have recently discovered that i hav 20 BOOKS to write,, NOT including the one i'm writing now....

i'm gna fucking die.....

Quest series :: 17 books
Cloud's books :: 2 books (including current)
Sniper's back story :: 1 book
Kai's first life :: 1 book

see SEE *doom*

o well..... so long sanity


≠wAArk™
Faust Regal Kupo™

<3

ive actually started writing again!!

i know!!

my little glimpse of sanity returns

lol

but seriously,, i have
nd i feel soooo good doing so

im revising the shit i wrote yesturday on it,,
chek its not full of bullshit and all
but yea

so hopefully thatll get up in....
idk,, a week lol

ALSO

again,,

hate posting online,,
i had noticed that i had missed a detail of cloud all throughout the whole fucking book
so im having to change that *sigh*

cloud never EVER under any circumstances takes of his left glove!!
cant be helped

nd along the way i changed a bunch of other small things too

so i suppose once ive finished the ENTIRE book i'll repost er something
like a final edit sorta

soo yea

put up with me for jus a bit longer,,
updates are coming!!

lol

~love + kudos to all those who actually read thru my bullshit

but nothing for those who dont!!

altho,, if u are one of those ppl,, u wldnt hav even read my flame

*sigh*

im full of such rambles
this is why im having to revisit all of yesturdays writing

heh




FaustRegal_HDH
wAArk™

You have a gun, and you know how to use it. You're not one to let anyone boss you around; truth to tell, you'd like it better if you did the bossing. You're the foreigner with the bad-ass attitude, and while you might border along the odd side, everyone thinks you're cool.

Which Gravitation character are you? by Rin.



You're not satisfied with platonic relationships, and you need that physical something to keep the spark alive. As much as you're interested in sex (and probably very good at it too) it won't be as important if it wasn't with the one you love.

What is your dominant Yuki Eiri personality? by Rin.


oOOoo


nd i dnt kno wat recumbent means but it sounded fun ^_^

ok so instead of adding in more chapters themselves i just remastered chap 4
so now its an abnormaly long chapter of 15 pages but o well

it basically jus makes Seph nicer nd Cloud and his relationship deeper and warmer nd all that good fluff....
heh

so yea

ill go update/edit chap 4 now

read if u want (nd if u can)
it doesnt rly hold any big significance or change to the rest of the novel,,
jus acts as a refresh of Sephs character

thnx yo

<3

im deffinately gna fuk all u guys up....
well those of you who are gifted the pleasures and/or actually bother to read my novel

cuz a typical habit of mine is going back into the earlier happenings of the story nd adding 1 or 2 chapters....
like right now i desperately feel the need of adding some earlier chapters of 14 yr old Cloud back at soldier,, adding some more conversing between him and Sephiroth,, as i fucking love him yo

so yea....

i want some more sweet moments between the two....
rather than just straight away love and fucking
(even tho i quite enjoy this aspect aswell lol)

you can thank the smutty fluff ive bin reading thru my much loved group FFVII YAOI
it was so cute
vincent purposed to cloud
awwww

i love vincent.....
i may end up changing Arutou to vinny eventually.....
ive alredy stolen so many characters,, why not steal one of the fucking best?

heh

so sorry
but this smutt is much needed
im feeling rather fluffy lol

even in a desperate need of dying my hair candy floss pink,,
with black stripes to one side
fucking [[EPIC]]

lol

much love to anybody who actually cares
nd who actually bothered to read this

<3

im not scared of fire
fucking torch me all you like
the smutt stays

yea i used the help given to me by Jo <33 nd cleared som space into my journal with the whole 'behind the cut' thingy lol

my head RLY hurts rite now yo.....
stupid sickness,, invading my alredy tainted blood stream... grr....
im partially deaf in my left ear too haha now thats kind fun,, in a retarded kinda way lol

[[KUDOS]] to all my readers!!
ilu






but i prob love pie more mwahahahaha!!
[[LOVE]] [[PIE]] <3

Why do I always have to make you cry?
Every time?
I wish I could just go and die
Maybe then everything would be all right
But I can’t help the way I feel
Will it ever stop?
Will there ever be peace?
Can I ever move on?
Why is my life like this?!
Fuck everyone
I’ll just be all alone
Stay on my own
Never leave home

Love, it’s impossible
‘Cuz you say just to move on
But I can’t
I could never forget
Forget these feelings,
They eat at my mind
Can they just fuck off?!

Just get over you?
Just fucking get over you?
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?!
It’s impossible!
If you ever fucking noticed
I FUCKING LOVE YOU GIRL!
You ARE my whole world
And everything in it
I only live for you
If you die my whole being would end
Erased from existence
Alone in my grave

I always dreaded this day
The day you pull back
But only from me,
Not that other dumb fuck!
Do you really think she loves you?
LOVES YOU AS MUCH AS ME?
Is there a scale to this ‘love’?
Can it be put to a number?
When with me it’s infinite!
This love I have for you,
I could never make it end!
Just leave, tie my leash to a pole
Wait for somebody else to notice my broken soul.

But it’s fine, at least you can forget
Find somebody else to make you happy again
Share the same love that I hold only for you.
It just better not be her
Not that stupid prick
If you EVER did that, I would surely lose it.
I would curse you to the darkness
Found from the hole in my heart.

I will never forget
I belong to you
Sure, there might be others
But never this deep.
Every time my heart beats,
I’ll know it only does it for you.

A perfect summary for this
Can be found in three words
I love you
More than the words even say.

All i want is to hold you,
But i can't.

I'm fighting with the unsaid
Thoughts and feelings,
Beating at my mind.

Should I tell you?
Should I not?
What would happen if I did?

I don't know how to say it,
It's too hard to describe.
I don't know what to do;
Lost, confused, alone.

My mind says I should just forget;
My heart knows that can't be done.
Without you my soul would shatter;
I would break, fall, die.

Maybe this is just a phase,
But I can't see life beyond it.

It started with a simple dream,
That grew into thoughts,
That withdrew questions,
That grew into feelings,
Which turned to truth and reality.

I don't know if it will work.
I don't know if it will happen.
What if it's all false hope?

So many conflicts,
Friends, family....
What will people think?

To some it may not seem right,
But is it really that wrong?

I have decided;
Now it's your turn to choose.
When the right time comes,
All will be heard.

I'll never let you go;
I love you.

I’m having so many thoughts and dreams
Nightmares that no one should have
Every time I lay down to sleep at night
More innocence is evicted from life through my murderous ways

These thoughts are conjured from the endless emptiness of my subconscious
A place never to be opened yet somehow it escapes
It surges through my veins each time it strikes that deadly hour
It can’t be controlled and neither can it be stopped

But these shadows in my mind are nothing
Compared to the black depths of my heart or the darkness that is my soul
If my soul could be summoned to the surface
No one would survive

These thoughts haunt my vision
And all I can do is watch
They look so real
And I know that they are

The night is my friend
The night is my enemy
The night is my release
The night is my ticket to hell

I hate this life
It’s just not worth living
Why do I even bother?
Getting up at each new day

Death is the easy option
But I’ve never taken the straight route
I strive for the risk and danger
Carving my own path of pain and destruction

Someone give me a gun or at least a knife
I’ll slaughter you all in the dead of the night
Killing with grace in my chaotic intention
A display of evil beauty

My mind is deranged and demonic
My soul died out long ago
My body is deceiving
And my heart struggles to beat

Love is weak and non-existent
I am capable of only hate
Hatred towards everything
No matter what it is

My ever-looming threat has ended me here
Caged and collared, alone in the darkness
My blood is too pure to be granted an end
Even with my heresy, they keep me alive

I yearn for my grave
But refuse to die by my hand
I’ll wait for my salvation
Kill me or die

I feel like I’m fading
Fading deeper into the darkness
Soon, no light will be left
Pushed back by my hatred towards its illustration
As I am pulled into the black depth
Where all my demons linger

Let darkness consume
Let darkness be my friend
Open my heart to the darkness
Open my mind from its barricade

The darkness of my mind and the darkness of my heart
They were shielded away by this mortal shell
But in these dark depths
Their essence can be free

This place is not hell
This place is my soul
My soul is the darkness
The darkness is me

Only my body is of light
That is the only way that I exist
You see me as that light
Because I hide away my soul

My mind and heart need release
But my body cannot allow it
I am at constant war with myself
The light of my shell holding back the darkness that is me

This is why I feel torn
This is why no one knows the real me
My shell is my shield
Shielding my darkness from the light of day
From the sight of others
From the truth

The truth isn’t light
The truth is a delusion
The truth corrupts people’s hearts
The truth hides in the shadows

The truth is frequently sought after
But is better left alone
You never know what lurks in those shadows
And curiosity kills

Only you can save me now
You with a soul of light
But who are you?
Where are you?
Will you ever find me?
Do I want to be saved?

I’ll be waiting for you
I will be your test
Of light, of life and of love

I know I can’t stop you
But I don’t want you to go.
I suppose it is selfish
But I don’t know what I’ll do.

Imagining my life without you,
I don’t even want to think about it.
You have gotten me through so much
Maybe without even realising it.

I probably never would have survived,
All those years without you.
That’s why thinking of the future,
With you not even there,
It’s too hard to do.

You are my friend,
A best friend for life.
I could never forget you.
I won’t ever forget you.
I love you too much,
To ever say goodbye.

The tears I am crying,
I cry them for you.
Tears of denial,
That you could ever leave.
I haven’t cried for years,
Yet in just some few words,
You break me down.

I knew that eventually we would have to part,
So I suppose you just beat me to it.
And now it’s you parting from me,
Instead of me parting you.
But I never would have predicted,
It would have been this soon.

Not a day will go by that I won’t think of you
You’re in my heart always,
Until the day that I die.

I hope and pray that we meet again.
No, I’ll be sure that it’ll happen.

I love you,
Please don’t forget me.

You think im a fool
I think you’re naïve.
I can’t hurt myself,
Yet your friend can hurt others?

You’re naïve from not realising it,
Realising she’s emotionally unstable,
Mentally lacking, and too physically violent.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one always bringing you down,
But I suppose I’ll never know for sure
Because you never let me in.

Do you even know me at all?
I think if you did, you’d believe in my truth.
You’d see the light cower away
Away from the over looming darkness
Darkness of her being.
You’d see her wear you down
Down to her level.

I’ve never been able to understand
Understand how a person such as your self,
A person with a heart and soul of light,
Could be drawn to such darkness.
They say that where there is light, there will be darkness,
But a darkness like that?
What is it you are trying to accomplish?
Do you think you can save her?

In my opinion, go back to the hate.
Her darkness is shit,
To twisted to be saved,
To fucked to accomplish anything.
Come to my darkness,
At least mine is sweet.
Darkness has never tasted this good.

I don’t know if my love truly is anymore.
I’ve been waiting so long with no reply,
I don’t know how much more I have to give,
Or even if there’s any left.
Love is so complicated,
I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it,
It or my black heart.

I know I’m cocky,
But I also know you’re blind.
Open your eyes,
Finally see what I’ve been viewing all along.

I’m an idiot,
But so are you.